A Pirate Looks at Forty

(With sincere apologies to Jimmy Buffett.  Jimmy, if this catches your notice, I've long wanted to sit and yarn with you for a few hours.  I've been listening to your songs for over thirty years, they've made me have a tendency to be a happy drunk, and there's just too much life behind them.

(A spin in your Stearman would also be a joy!)

My wife said I should call this "A Soldier Looks at Forty" - but, while I've been a warrior for a while, I've been a irate for far longer.  I've never been averse to bending rules - or breaking them outright - to get the greater job one.

Turning forty has long been thought of as a time for reflection on one's life.  You've done most of your education save continuing job stuff, or if you decide to change careers,) you've probably been settled into a career path (or even a long-term job, if you've found one,) or you've gotten yourself established as a businessman of some variety.

Forty years is a while, you're going to be looking back at what you've done, looking forward at what you're planning to o for the next twenty years or so, you're looking (strongly!) forward to your kids moving out - if they haven't already - and deciding whether or not you're going to retire or whatever you want to do.

So, it's a time to reflect.

However, my reflections are further complicated.  You see, I didn't expect to make it to thirty, much less forty.  Not because of an illness or congenital defect, or anything like that - but I expected to be a trauma case a good fifteen years ago, as a consequence of the life I've decided to live.

I'm a "protector" type.  I've sacrificed my health and comfort to make the world incrementally a better place for everyone, I've tried to handle threats as they presented themselves, I've tried to correct the mistakes of others when they put other people in danger - you get the idea.

(My wife also has a strong "protector urge" - it made her want to be a cop early on.  It's also helped her raise her kids effectively.  But, she's also got a healer impulse, which dilutes her protector impulse.  I'm not a healer - I'm a medic, incidental to being a warrior and protector - but the extent of that is keeping you alive and reasonably healthy until a surgeon can get to you, or you can get to a hopsital (and I'll do my damnedest to make sure you get there.))

I've no kids of my own, but my wife has two - and I've thought of them as my own (even though the difference in age between the kids and me isn't great - I'm closer in age to her kids than I am to her, go figure.)

Career path?  My resume would read like an act list for the Ed Sullivan show - I've got experience and learning in probably a dozen different trades.  I've worked in several technical fields.  I've done sales (which I hated,) I've fixed things (which I enjoyed greatly,) I've built things from raw material (even more fun!) and I've been told I'm very handy to have around.  My wife things I can fix anything - and doesn't get disappointed (fortunately) if it turns out she hands me something I can't fix.  Hell, I didn't design the thing, and I am somehwat limited in available tooling and materials.

I may not have depth of experience in a given field, but I've got breadth of experience through a large number of fields.

Personally, I've been through an awful lot as well.

I am pleased to note that, when asked my advice, it does generally get followed.  An example - my/her boys once asked career advice from me (!) I told them that, whatever else you wanted to do, you should learn a trade.  A tradesman need never go hungry, they can't offshore repair and construction.

One is a plumber (he wants to be a cop, but it's a good fallback position,) and the other is a carpenter (working on his degree in construction engineering.)

I've not tried to be a father to them (I'm turning forty - they've both passed thirty!) but I have tried, when it seemed appropriate, to be a "dad."  And, being a "dad" can be much more work than being a "father."  It did feel awfully funny being called "grandpa" at 33, tho...  (Upside - my grandkids have a twice-great grandmother, I hope I can get her out here to meet them.  Not everybody has any great-great grandparents, my nanna has FOUR twice-great grandkids!)

Anyhow, you can probably understand my confusion by now.  I fully expected to be a major trauma case by the time I was thirty (oddly enough, I was.  And again before I was forty,) but I didn't expect to be around to be confused afterwards.  I am happily married, but I have an awfully interesting family life...  It was a bit confusing at first, but I've had fifteen years to get used to it, and I seem to have done just that.

But, between family oddities (and while I didn't try to be a father to the boys, I'd like to feel some acknowledgement for what I've done over the years...) and the asininity I see in the news (the latest being the guy who's fathered thirty kids with eleven different women, and "wants a break" on his child support.  He was looking to get a break in court at 21 kids - then had nine more!  He'll probably get it, but I think castration would be a more effective option.)

And, as a result of how I've lived my life (often putting myself in harm's way,) the idea of a "career" really doesn't work anymore.  Doesn't mean I can't work - I just can't work for someone else anymore, on someone else's schedule, and I can't put out the sort of effort I used to be able to.

But, I'm still trying to do something.  I've got a business (started it the second time in college to try to make money for books and such,) and I'm writing a few technical books - and even started a novel (had a dream that hurt my mind.  I finally recovered enough to talk about it with my wife, and it's turned into the core idea for a novel.  I never thought I'd even be able to start a novel, because I'm not that kind of writer.  But, you never know.  I'm not sure what genre it would fit into, tho, it's probably going to cross a few genre lines.  My other books are either technical or training-oriented.)

The way I've been feeling (physically) of late probably hasn't been helping - the song I ripped off for a title has a line - "... I have been drunk now for over two weeks/passed out and I rallied and I sprung a few leaks ..."

I haven't been "drunk for over two weeks," but I'd probably feel better if I had.  The bad thing about accumulating injuries like I have is that they never really stop hurting.  I recall a conversation I was having with a doctor about fifteen years ago:

"You know, you're going to have a lot of pain when you get older."
"You go right to Hell, Doc - I've got a lot of pain now.  Is there anything we can do about it?"

(Sadly, no.  Too many old fractures, too many deep scars.  Let's just say I don't have a very high tolerance for pain because I WANT it...)

Yeah, I could be "fixed" so I'm not in pain anymore - once they figure out how to grow new bones for people, and they figure out how they can replace: my skull, most of my spine, about half of my ribs, my pelvis, ...  Oh - throw in a few organs while I'm about it.  Not much else I can do right now, so I live with it.

Anyhow, it's the reflections that I wanted to talk about, and the whole "coming to grips" thing.  Things like:

- When did commercials get to be insultingly stupid?  The only ones that have any entertainment value whatever are the ones for Dos Equis beer ("The Most Interesting Man in the World" campaign - shows creativity, I think.)  The rest?  I'm offended that admen think I'm honestly that stupid.  I may have gotten a bunch of IQ points knocked out of my head when I got my brains rattled, but it didn't make me that stupid!

- Entertainment isn't much better.  I sit through whole episodes of Will & Grace, Seinfeld, or Friends waiting for the punchline - I can't figure out why they're so damned popular.  (To be fair, Seinfeld or Friends has some small entertainment value - usually muted so I can't hear the dialogue, and I only pay attention on bits where Julia Louis-Dreyfus or Jennifer Aniston are on screen.  Otherwise, why bother?)

- Sports.  Could someone please explain the fixation on sports to me?  I don't care, I don't watch them, I think they're boring and silly, and a phenomenal waste of time.  I tend to prefer more traditional competitions of "warrior skills" - go to a Highland Games sometime, you'll see what I'm talking about.  Full-contact martial arts competition (but not MMA/UFC.)  The Ranger Challenge on ESPN2, if I happen to catch it.  Or feats of strength - World's Strongest Man.  (Mum tells me I'd be good at caber tossing...)

And why do we idolise these people?  I don't get it.  If you can throw a ball well, people look up to you?  I've been asked why my heroes are - then I get to watch the screen go blank when I mention people like: Roy Boehm , David Hackworth, Roy Benavidez, Charlie Beckwith, and the like.  They're not teaching these kids in school anything important these days...

- Government.  There's a very good reason that "I'm from Washington, and I'm here to help!" is such a feared phrase.  It's only been getting worse.  I know I'd never get elected, and I don't really want the job, but I sometimes think I'd like to take a good swing at being President - see if we can't reverse course.  This is getting ridiculous.

- Economy.  Schools and media treat it like a "hard science," but I have a hard time with that idea.  Why?  It's a mass hallucination based upon a pure fiction - the fiction is that money is actually worth something (hasn't been since we got off of the specie standard,) and it's a mass hallucination because everyone else believes it.  Track inflation pre- and post-specie money, and you'll see what's really happening.  We've got "fiat money" now - "It's worth what we say it's worth," and they keep playing with it.  You want to fix the economy?  Fix the price of gold at $400/Troy ounce, and make the (paper) dollar redeemable upon request in gold or other comparable resource.  (I know the Constitution says "gold or silver," but that can be expanded.  List?  Gold, platinum, silver, other rare metals, diamonds, other rare gemstones - essentially, any durable asset of acknowledged value.  Our "fiat dollar" is essentially a petrodollar - tied to the availability of petroleum.  Petroleum is a consumable resource of finite value, and you wonder why the dollar is devaluing.)

- Terrorism.  The problem is simple of solution, but no-one wants to show the balls to do it (I would.)  The solution?  Call in the CO of SEAL Team Six & SFOD-Delta.  Tell them that the various intelligence services are ordered to co-operated with each other - and with the field units - that we've unlocked their cage doors, and it's open season with no bag limit.  Terrorism is a war of annihilation - the only way the war can be won by us is to eliminate the other side.  Why?  They won't be happy until they've either eliminated or totally subjugated us.  "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you, but do it first."

Once terrorists are handled, we should be able to eliminate the "security theatre" we're seeing in airports and such.  "Big Brother is watching you," - Orwell was right, he was just thirty years off.

- Consumerism/product quality.  People are convinced that they need to keep buying the newest thing that comes out (or otherwise get it - the bitching of kids this last Christmas because they didn't get the right colour of iPhone, or didn't get the car they wanted, positively amazes me.  Our boys wanted cellphones, I told them they were welcome to go get them, but I wouldn't sign anything.  They said they were ready for cars, I told them I'd check out cars they wanted to buy, but come up with the money on your own.  "Do not handicap your children by making their lives too easy" -Robert A. Heinlein.)

Of course, what is being made these days is crap; so you're not only trying to keep up with trends, but you're constantly replacing stuff that breaks for no good reason.  And you wonder why I like to build things myself.

- Drama.  Please.  I've had a headache since 2007, I don't need people adding to it.  Get some sense of perspective, get some common sense, and get a life - in no particular order.  If you're only happy by making someone else twisted and miserable, I can recommend some professional help and probably a few meds that will help you.  I typically counter drama with "People like you are why people like me need medication."

- Cellphones.  I really don't get this one - I mean, how did H. sapiens even manage to survive the last 15,000 years or so without cellphones?

I'm inclined to say we did quite well.  Yes, I do have a cellphone.  Yes, it comes in handy every now and again.  I have it for my convenience and no-one else's.  I don't text.  I don't have voicemail.  I have "pay-as-you-go" service.  I spend about $40 per year on it - and I think that's still a bit much (but it's acceptable.)

We don't need to be constantly patched in, but I see people going about with these cellphones stuck to their head like they're sutured to their ears.  "Smartphone" users are even worse.

And, with all of the social networks out there, cellphones, mobile email, "smartphones" (I put that in quote - I don't think "smartphones" are really all that smart...) and every-damned-thing else, we now have a generation that talks all the time without saying anything useful. 

Gang, that's not "communicating."  The idea of communication involves either a dissemination of useful information or a two-way exchange of ideas and information.  I'm seeing neither.  "See what I'm having for lunch!" is neither informative nor useful.

And please don't plaster pix of me up everywhere.  If I'd wanted a pic of me out there, I'd have put it there myself.  (And you wonder why I hide from cameras...)

Oddly, my wife feels the same way about this point.

(And don't go around bitching to your friends about how much you're paying for cellphone service on your cellphone!  Seriously, I've seen this happen a few times over the years.  If you want your bill to go down, stop using the damned thing so much!

(Also, I cannot understand why any child - particularly any child under the age of twelve - would require a cellphone.  I got through childhood just fine without one - I didn't get my first cellphone until I was 23, and I got that only because it gave me a point of contact that allowed me to co-ordinate work.  It got tedious, so I did without one for a few years to give myself a break.  Glad I did.)

I'll shut up for the moment, but I'll probably have more later.  I turn forty in about a fortnight, and it is (as I mentioned earlier,) a time for reflection.

As always, I welcome comments and discussion.  I somehow doubt I'm the only person thinking along these lines, but I won't know unless you tell me.

Jon