SPAM email and a thermonuclear LART party...

Probably the most irritating bit?  They don't even do basic research before they send out their crap for me to delete.

Last time I checked, I didn't have boobs - so I don't need a boob enlargement (that, and I'd never get anything done if I suddenly had boobs...)

As far as the rest?

- I've never had a mesh implant/repair, so I don't care about compensation from having had one.  (And, the overuse of the word "entitled" is making me nauseous...)
- I don't read Chinese.  I've never been able to read Chinese.  I don't plan on learning to read Chinese.  STOP SENDING ME MESSAGES IN CHINESE!  I probably don't want what you're selling anyhow, and I refuse to buy anything metal from the Chinese - they can't heat-treat for sour owlshit (TANGENT - I have a Chinese friend who refuses to buy anything made in China as well, so I guess I'm not too far off base...)
- Viagra/Cialis/whatever?  Don't need 'em.  Don't want 'em.  Besides, my wife would probably kill me if I went around with more erections than I already do (I don't have a "sex drive," I have a "sex overdrive"...)  Besides, while I don't need Viagra to have sex, Vicodin can make it easier for me to do so...
- Singles/dating services?  I'm married.  I'm happily married (I'm just unhappy with everything else.)  We're very compatible, we have a high degree of partnership, and we have the best of both worlds - we're lovers AND friends.  I've seen too many divorces, and I've even caused one (having been "the other man" - it just happened that way, I didn't set out to poach...) and I've told my wife that if she wants to be quit of me, she'll have to kill me instead.  And no, I don't need to hook up for sex, either. I can get that here at home...
- Hair restoration?  My hair is finally thinning out, and I'm glad!  For the last forty years, it's been like having my head wrapped in an electric blanket, it's finally cooling off up here (Mum, that's why I liked keeping my hair so short.  It was cooler, and it dried much faster.  I've had long hair, and I can understand why Mags cut hers.  I'm always mildly disappointed when a woman cuts her long hair down, but I do understand why...)
- Phallic enhancement (of whatever sort?)  No, thank you.  I haven't had any complaints from anyone yet.  So, apparently, I'm not some thumb-dick wannabe there - I'm no John Holmes, but I seem to have done well enough for every partner I've had (just give him a chance - he's a grower, not a shower.)

Granted, that doesn't solve the basic issue.  Can we backtrace all of this SPAM crap, round everyone up, and throw them in a bunker with a couple of SADMs?  I'm tired of getting all of this crap - and the SPAM filter wants checking, because it sometimes ends up catching stuff it shouldn't.  So, that's a further pain in the ass - I get probably 200 legitimate message a day across six email addresses, and another 400-700 in SPAM that need quick reviewing.  Pain.  In.  The.  Ass.)

If you're not going to let me use tacnukes, can I use a baseball bat instead?  It would take longer, but it would be more satisfying.  Or, perhaps, a regulation-size clue-by-four (as outlined in FM22-102, Wall-to-Wall Counselling.  For my height and level of control, that would be a four-foot section of 2x4 dimension lumber...)

Oh - in case you haven't guessed, I hate SPAM.  Bloody twenty-first century chain letters.

Last point - why is it that nearly every message I get that says "Check Snopes - it's true!" has failed its own test?